


7000 Times

by Anchuks



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 01:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7665646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anchuks/pseuds/Anchuks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Musings after 5x09</p>
            </blockquote>





	7000 Times

She killed herself 7000 times.

Well actually it wasn’t exactly 7000, just 7000-ish but it's easier to say 7000.   
The first time it was on impulse. Shaw didn't know what she was supposed to do and realizing she is a threat by killing Harold and pointing the gun at Root on their way to Chinatown, she put the gun to her temple and pulled the trigger. She was so confused, why did she kill him? Why does she want to kill them all? And that's the catch - she doesn't. So when Shaw saw Root on the other end of the gun her first instinct was to save her and in order to do that, she needs to neutralize the threat, which in this case was herself. 

She was even more confused when she woke up, still in Samaritan's grasp.

She still remembered pointing the gun at Root. It wasn’t like that time at the nuclear site when they met again, that time it was just to incapacitate her but this? She pointed that gun at her head, ready to kill. But she wasn’t ready. It was like something else controlling her body while her mind desperately tried to lower her hand. That image is going to stay with her for a while.

The next few times she didn't even see Root, but she still pulled the trigger on herself.

50 simulations in, Samaritan started to grasp how Shaw's mind works, that to get something out of her she needs to feel safe, and there's only one person who can give that to Sameen Shaw and that's Root.  
Root began to appear in every simulation since then. Sometimes she comes to save her, sometimes she's there to take care of her when she's escaped. But the end result is still the same - a bullet in Shaw's head. That seems to be the only constant. Well that and the chip in her head, because Shaw would never hurt her team, her friends, if her brain was okay.

Samaritan was pretty good at making the simulations feel real but with Root they felt even more real. Her smile, her innuendos, her touch, it all felt too real. Even when Shaw figured out that it's another simulation, she sometimes indulged herself, just to stay with Root a little while longer. 

When did this happen? When did Root become such an important part of Sameen Shaw's life she didn't know. All she knew is that somewhere between the numbers, the bullets, the flirting, Root became someone Shaw could not afford to lose. She didn't know why nor she dared to think about it. Feelings were not Shaw's specialty so she's pretty sure she wouldn't be able to figure it out anyway. The thing she does admit is that life with Root is better than life without Root, but the reason why is different from what she tells others if the conversation arises.

Root with her 2 guns, zip ties and taser but also her chocolate eyes, chestnut hair, beautiful smile and mischievous smirk. Yes, she was worth every single bullet.  
And now, after her real escape, reunion with Root, Shaw has time to think about this. She burrows her nose into Root's hair, careful not to wake her as she spoons Root. Shaw usually doesn't like these kinds of things but Root needed it (she didn't say it but Shaw could sense it) and Shaw thought that it's actually kinda nice and maybe she will hold Root again sometime. Maybe tomorrow.

She killed herself 7000 times and she'd do it all again. For her.


End file.
